You’re Not Failing Your Child—The System Is Failing Them

Let me guess.

You’ve had that thought at 8:47 PM on a Tuesday night, sitting at the kitchen table with tears in your eyes while your child melts down over a math worksheet that should take ten minutes.

“What am I doing wrong?”

You’ve wondered it when the teacher sends another email. When other parents give you that look at pickup. When your mother-in-law suggests you just need to be “more consistent.” When you lie awake at 2 AM scrolling through articles about ADHD strategies, sensory diets, reward charts—anything that might finally work.

Here’s what I need you to hear: You’re not failing your child.

The system is failing them.

And honestly? It’s failing you too.

The System Wasn’t Built for Your Kid

Our education system was designed during the Industrial Revolution. Seriously. It was built to create factory workers who could sit still, follow instructions, do repetitive tasks, and not ask too many questions.

Does that sound like your kid?

Mine either.

I have ADHD. I’ve raised neurodivergent children. And I’ve spent 35 years teaching kids who the system labeled as “problems.”

Here’s what I’ve learned: When a bright, curious, creative child can’t succeed in a traditional classroom, the problem isn’t the child.

It’s the classroom.

Your child’s brain isn’t broken. It’s just wired differently. And different doesn’t mean less—it means the standard approach doesn’t fit.

Imagine if we designed all shoes for people with size 7 feet, and then told everyone with size 10 feet that they just weren’t trying hard enough to make them fit. That they needed more discipline. Better focus. Stronger willpower.

That’s what we’re doing to neurodivergent kids every single day.

The Guilt You’re Carrying Isn’t Yours

You’ve been told—either directly or indirectly—that if your child is struggling, you must be doing something wrong.

Not enough structure. Too much screen time. Not firm enough. Too firm. Should’ve started earlier. Should’ve tried harder. Should’ve known better.

The guilt is crushing.

I see it in every parent who reaches out to me. They apologize before they even tell me what’s going on. “I’m sorry, I know I should be able to handle this, but…”

Stop.

You’re handling a situation that wasn’t designed to be handled. You’re trying to force a square peg into a round hole, and the system is telling you it’s your fault the peg won’t fit.

But here’s the truth: There’s nothing wrong with the peg.

What Your Child Actually Needs

Your child doesn’t need to be fixed.

They need to be met where they are.

They need approaches that work with their brain, not against it.

They need success experiences—real ones, not participation trophies—so they can start believing in themselves again.

They need to feel capable. Smart. Good at something.

And you? You need to stop carrying guilt that was never yours to carry in the first place.

A Different Approach

After 35 years of teaching, here’s what I know works:

Find what your child is naturally drawn to. Not what you think they should be interested in. Not what their cousin excels at. What makes their eyes light up.

Then use that as the bridge to build the skills they need.

For some kids, it’s building with LEGOs. For others, it’s video games, or cooking, or yes—music.

I’ve watched kids who “can’t focus” practice ukulele for 30 minutes straight because it doesn’t feel like the system. It feels like play. It feels like choice. It feels like something they’re actually good at.

And then something magical happens: That focus starts transferring to other things. Homework gets easier. Morning routines improve. Self-esteem grows.

Not because the child changed.

Because the approach changed.

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

You’re reading this right now because you care. Because you’re still searching for answers. Because you haven’t given up on your child.

That doesn’t make you a failure.

That makes you exactly the parent your child needs.

Yes, the evenings are hard. Yes, you’re exhausted. Yes, you’ve tried a hundred things that didn’t work.

But you’re still here. Still trying. Still believing your child deserves better.

And you’re right. They do.

What Comes Next

The system isn’t going to change overnight. But your approach can.

You can stop trying to make your child fit the mold.

You can start looking for what works with their brain instead of what the parenting books say should work.

You can let go of the guilt and pick up curiosity instead. “What does my child need? What makes them feel successful? What approach haven’t we tried yet?”

Your child is not a problem to be solved.

They’re a person to be understood.

And you’re not failing them.

You’re fighting for them in a system that wasn’t built for them.

That’s not failure.

That’s love.

  https://www.skmusiccourses.com/UkuleleParentGuide

Ready to find an approach that actually works with your child’s brain? Download my free guide: “5 Ways the Ukulele Can Support Your Neurodivergent Child’s Growth” at https://www.skmusiccourses.com/UkuleleParentGuide